Lost our Angel

Our sweet precious baby has grown wings.

We were 9 weeks and found out our baby stopped growing at 7w5d. That's when we saw our baby's heart was not working. Although, baby does look a little larger. When our little Riley is born we will be having a memorial at our local park and burying one of our carried away baby's. 

Riley Jae is always going to be honored as our family. Our other baby Charlie Rae was 6 weeks when he/she grew wings. That was in 2011.

We just decided to name our baby. I have another angel who i don't like talking about openly in 2006. 

No baby, no matter the age, It's always hard losing a child.  

God will take care of our Angel. I pray he talks to our baby's about me.Tells them about me. I am happy to know one day when i go to heaven i will have a family up there who will be waiting for me. Knowing god is caring for my babies i know they are very well cared for. 

I am very sad about what is going on. 

My husband and i cried for days after we found out the heartbeat had stopped. 

I had a little bleeding but no pains. No warning, only little bit of blood and that was over in about 3 hours. I didn't even realized i had bleeding till i went to the bathroom. My heart sank, as i have had losses before. It was very hard to see this happen again. I was in denial. Totally in denial!!! I had blood levels tested and several ultrasounds done. My HCG went from 12,112 to 10,012 to 6,500. All in 3 weeks.

Before i lost my baby's i always said "I could never let my baby stay inside me if it were not alive. But after all my losses.... I pray for these baby's to stay with me as long as they can. I don't want them forced to be away from me. My heart still beats for my children wither they breath on earth or in heaven. Theyre still my children and no matter where they live i will always love them!!

I do plan on taking photo's of Riley. I may or may not post them. It depends. I will know when he/she is born. I will also share the birthday once Riley is here on earth. 

My horror turned into trusting in god and his plans. Trusting he know's whats best/right for me. Trusting he has my hand through all of this. I am so lucky to have such a loving God. I am so lucky for my amazing husband who has been here for me at every doc. appt. every er visit and his tears came with mine. For our baby. The love we will both miss. 

Riley, 2 hearts broken, and 5 siblings to miss you. You will be forever with us! <3 We will miss and love you always!

UPDATE:

I have began to start spotting tonight. Riley's heart stopped November 6th 2014. Riley was due June 16th-22nd. (we never did get an exact due date because baby's measurements kept shifting so much. So we will make a better age guess once baby is here.

Next update, will be the announcement of baby Riley Jae's birth. 

I hope everyone has a wonderful week. God bless. <3